Loving yourself fiercely isn’t selfish – it is necessary. Imagine spending your life with somebody and not really knowing them at all. That’s what it is when you don’t take time for self-love. You spend your entire life having feelings of shame, unworthiness, paralyzed perfectionism, and just not feeling enough, says Soniyaa Kiran Punjabi.
What Exactly is Self-Love?
Self-love is understanding your needs and wants. It is about being brave enough to take off the mask you wear with others and getting to know yourself underneath all the layers that you have taken on from past conditioning. Self-love is about cherishing your strengths and weaknesses and knowing that all of it is what makes you human.
When you start loving yourself, listening to your inner guidance, and recognizing your true self, you feel awakened and alive. Your own well-being and happiness become your focus and you gently learn how to live your authenticity.
Researchers from the Universities of Exeter and Oxford found, in a 2019 study, that when participants were kind and loving to themselves, they switched off the threat response in their body, allowing for regeneration and healing. Doctors and psychologists have, for long, held the belief that self-love and self-compassion are positively linked to higher levels of wellbeing and better mental health. Self-love has also been linked to better immunity levels, stronger cardiovascular health, and reduced inflammation in the body.
Ways to Love Yourself Fiercely
Self-love is like building any other long-term relationship – it isn’t easy, and it takes work as well as commitment. Some days you may feel awesome and on other days, your inner critic may be very loud and overpowering. There will be good and bad moments, and that’s ok. There’s no perfect beginning and there’s no perfect ending – you slowly begin to realize that you don’t need to be a superhuman version of yourself to be worthy of love. You are worthy of your own love and compassion just as you are, flaws and all.
Here are 5 gentle ways to work on self-love:
#1 Take Time to Know Yourself
To begin a loving and healthy relationship with yourself, you may need to understand your own self-love language. If you like to spend quality time by yourself, take time out to do things you like alone – this could be gardening, enjoying a sunset, or painting. For a more social person, it could be the physical touch that translates to self-love. Perhaps a massage or working on a new skincare routine could be the answer. And if you like receiving gifts, then invest in your hobbies or treat yourself to a luxury staycation.
#2 Practice Empowering Self-Love Affirmations
If you find that your inner beliefs and programming are limiting and self-defeating, you may want to invest time in healing solutions like Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT), and hypnotherapy.
Also, empowering self-love affirmations like “I am enough”, “I am worthy of love”, “I release negative self-talk”, “I love who I am becoming”, and “I deserve good things in my life” can help change the neural pathways in your brain. Scientific studies have found that when you say affirmations, you teach your brain new ways to think and perceive. This changes the way your brain processes information and leads you to have new thoughts and see things differently. It’s no wonder then that people have reported seeing positive shifts manifesting in their life when they are kind to themselves.
#3 Set Personal Boundaries
Saying no when you need to – at home, at work, with your friends and family to activities that drain you – is a step towards conserving your emotional energy. An inability to set healthy boundaries usually stems from fear. You may have a fear of losing people or of being judged or maybe, of not getting their approval. Learn how to prioritize your own needs and set high standards for people you surround yourself with. Setting personal boundaries is a sign of emotional health, self-respect, and self-love.
#4 Forgive Yourself
While it’s always good to take responsibility for your actions, remember not to be too hard on yourself. Learn to let go, forgive yourself, and move forward. When you come to terms that you cannot change the past, it will set you free of emotional baggage and help you walk towards a more compassionate version of yourself.
Forgiveness has been positively linked to reduced anxiety and depression, as well as lower mortality rates. Toussaint, Worthington, and David R. Williams, Ph. D, who researched the health benefits of forgiveness suggest that it can allow you to “let go of the chronic interpersonal stressors that cause us undue burden”. So, if not for anything else, it is best to forgive and move on for your own health.
#5 Accept Your So-called Flaws
The greatest act of self-love is accepting yourself just as you are. It’s important to remember that there is no one out there who is without flaws. Get comfortable with your contradictions, so that you can build on creating self-love. Our egoistic mind can be a great but destructive storyteller and we can get lost in the story that we tell ourselves. One of the most important realizations is to understand that you are not your thoughts. So, when you hear a critical voice inside of you pointing out your imperfections, step back from the voice and ask yourself, “Does this thought serve me?”. This can be an empowering exercise that can build self-confidence and self-esteem.
Remember, self-love is a journey. It’s about connecting with yourself and being mindful of who you really are. When you prioritize the relationship with yourself, you will see that your life will become truly magical and you whole-heartedly deserve that!
Soniyaa Kiran Punjabi is the Dubai-based founder of Illuminations, a premiere wellbeing platform launched in 2006. She is a holistic coach, hypnotherapist and wellness consultant who is passionate about everything to do with self care, personal growth and wellbeing.
Visit www.illuminations.ae to know more