Great and meaningful relationships uplift and empower you. But unfortunately for us, very few of us are experiencing this. We’re simply not taught how to. We try to find our way with conflicts, heartbreaks and disappointments along the way! But thankfully there is a way to develop conscious relationships, says Healer and Therapist Taruna Karamchandani from Miracles Wellbeing.
Have you ever noticed why some relationships are difficult to maintain and some are a piece of cake? Those relationships that are effortless and genuinely fun to have, have a very distinct quality to them. That distinct quality is an added dimension of consciousness. This dimension surpasses the emotional, physical and mental connection that most of us operate from.
Most adult relationships run on the conditioning we received as kids. They are a mimicry of reference points of what our society, movies, and family believed and made us believe was right and due to this we often see our partners as means for our happiness however, the truth is relationships are not there to make us happy, they are there to make us conscious. Relationships make you conscious about the primary relationship you have with yourself, and your relationship with yourself is the foundation of everything.
For instance, if your partner says or does something that makes you angry or react, what they have actually done is trigger something that has also been inside of you. Relationships are a mere reflection of your inner world hence the term “you spot it, you got it”. So, in knowing this, rather than focusing on having a “perfect relationship”, focus on creating a “conscious relationship”.
Exploring conscious relationships involves a deep foundation of allowance. Allowance is receiving the person they way he/she is without judgements or a set point of view. Each person that comes into the relationship has his/ her baggage. This includes past pains, wounds, emotional trauma, and so on. Having a sense of allowance for them, creates a space of inclusion that makes the relationship feel safe and approachable.
Commitment: A conscious relationship is accessed any moment when the couple decides to exist as two wholes sharing one path. In a conscious relationship, the couple is responsible for their own happiness and doesn’t expect their partner to fill the void. They see the relationship as a personal development practice and avoid things such as the blame game and instead become more accountable for their own actions.
In a conscious relationship couples should create space for gratitude. A lot of us take our partner’s presence for granted and have this false expectation that they “should” be there for us. Your attitude in the relationship determines how conscious you are.
If you take your partner’s presence as a privilege rather than a mandate, the quality of your commitment in the relationship will change. An attitude of gratitude means making it a conscious habit to express thankfulness and appreciation to your partner for being there and making that added value of difference in your life.
Trust: Conscious relationships require work — with the self. Humility plays a big role whereby the relationship foundation is based on genuine feelings of compassion, trust and love for the other person, one where forgiveness for unconscious behavior comes easily. Such a relationship is only possible when both partners draw awareness to their own unconscious patterns and have managed to uncreate it to a large degree. Reflection on one’s own actions and thought patterns becomes key in navigating differences.
Respect: Another way to strengthen your relationships is respect. We usually have been taught that respect is something that is earned. Unfortunately, this belief system has caused a lot of trauma in our inner worlds and our relationships. Nature has created everyone in a beautiful unique way. Instead of acknowledging the gift every individual is, why are we asked to prove ourselves and pressured to fit in? How is that honoring of our being? Respect your partner by being present with them. Choose to be attentive and seek understanding by actively listening and asking questions.
Honesty: In a conscious relationship couples should create space for vulnerability and honesty. We avoid being vulnerable because we’re afraid that if we let our guards down, we’ll be lacking in some way and possibly attacked or criticized. We always want to show ourselves as perfect or suited to meet our partner’s requirements. This in the long run drains us down. Being this way, we can never be ourselves and therefore we push ourselves to seek validation outside of our relationships. Commitment to being yourself is one of the most challenging yet the most liberating feelings in a conscious relationship. Don’t expect them to fix you or how you feel. This allows you to receive whatever they can give to you, free of any expectations.
A conscious relationship is not a destination, it is a journey, filled with learnings – to love with ups, downs, twists, and turns. Every moment becomes an opportunity to awaken ourselves, one another, and who we become in the process.