When the world seems a dark place and we cannot see the wood for the trees, just writing down
what is upsetting you can help to give clarity and a sense of perspective. Expressing yourself to a trained
counselor through times of stress and anxiety can often give great comfort and relief. Sometimes just
talking to someone who is removed from the situation can help to answer your questions. My purpose is
to advise with empathy and common-sense during times of change and chaos – Melanie Gordon.
You ask, Melanie answers
Question: My Husband has a drinking problem which has now got worse. Since discovering the Brunch
lifestyle things have become out of hand. He is spending all the money from the joint bank account.
Every time I try to talk to him it ends in an argument. This is really hurting me and also my family now.
Answer: There seems to be a big elephant in the room. You are too worried to broach the subject as it
ends in an argument but the only way forwards is to talk this through. There is only so long you can
keep these feelings suppressed. A relationship needs to be built on honest and respect. As much as we
would all like to, you can’t always avoid conflict in any relationship. This is ammunition for bigger and
bigger arguments in the future if this is not sorted out now. Hopefully you can find some time so sit
together and work this out. Relationship will always face challenges and communication is the only way
forward to resolve this. Hopefully then you can rebuild the trust and integrity which is needed to move
forward.
Question: My in laws are coming to stay. They are always rude to me and my Mother in Law expects
me to drop everything and entertain her. If I don’t come up to her expectations, then she moans about
me to my husband. I find the whole situation distressing. I dread them coming over. I can’t sleep
with worry.
Answer: Unfortunately, in life we are not always going to like everyone and there are always
personalities that clash. Try not to engage her in too much conversation then she will have less to judge
you on. See if you can have a friend to come around and see you whilst they are there. Just to take the
pressure off so it’s not just you and the in-laws all the time. If you have children, suggest they can take
them out to the park again to create some space for yourself. Sometimes things are going to be
awkward just keep things in a neutral space as much as possible. Have a chat with your husband and
get him to take some time off work to entertain them too. Try and take yourself out of the equations
much as possible. Good luck!
Question: My Husband has a high-flying career and is about to be promoted. This will mean a lot of
travel and he has asked me to stop work in order to support him and be with him. I love my job but now
feel torn. Is this a step too far?
Answer: Relationships are a team effort. They sometimes require a lot of work to keep them
together. At times this may mean you have to give up something that you love in order to be with that
person. There is a constant change in life, and you need to be wise to that. Keep the communication
lines open and see if there is a more equal way of working this though. It can’t all be about one person
all the time. There are times when you have to pass things onto one another, and you can’t have your
cake and eat it. Think wisely about your decision and see if there can be something that will be ok for
the both of you, so you don’t have to give up your career completely.