We all tell lies, or don’t we?
There are these ‘white lies’ that we resort to at times, to suit us when the need arises and we usually convince ourselves that is it not harming anyone so it is okay and does not really matter. Does this become a habit? Tanuka Gupta, Consultant Psychologist at the Al Noor Training Centre for Persons with Disabilities, decodes the truth behind lying for us…
For example: “I am not at home today”, when you really do not want an unwelcome guest. These kind of lies make our life easier and we say them to avoid conflicts or difficult situations or to protect someone’s feelings to be able to justify them.
However, this can be tricky and people end up ‘bending the truth’ for personal gains also. There are even those who lie for no reason, resorting to lying as a habit. The do not even realise that they are lying as it becomes an intrinsic part of their personality.
There is no standalone clinical diagnosis for this ‘habitual lying’ as actual lying, although psychologists consider pathological lying as a mental disorder. Distorting facts as a result of hallucination or delusion are not considered in this.
What is the difference between compulsive lying and pathological lying?
Sometimes, these terms are used interchangeably. Insight and awareness are usually present which then gives rise to shame and guilt. Usually, people with compulsive or habitual or pathological lying do it to make their lives more interesting as they feel their lives are very mundane. They really do not have an external pressure to lie except for their internal need. Compulsive lying is different from lying found in psychopath, anti-social or other mental or personality disorders like narcissistic, or histrionic or borderline personality disorders or factitious disorder. Pathological liars can be confident and self-assured and do not necessarily display any mental imbalance unless associated with mentioned disorders. Pathological or compulsive liars usually convince themselves of the lies and start believing in the falsified facts. However, when confronted they show awareness and reluctantly accept that they were lying. They often fabricate facts to create a fantasy world for themselves and to others as well. There is no need or urge to manipulate or for personal gain.
Secrets and lies kill relationships.No matter how careful you are, you will get caught.What’s done in darkness, always comes to light…
What are the causes?
Lying is a defense mechanism which serves the purpose of either protecting the self from fear of different kinds and often seen as necessity.
However, there does not seem to be any obvious reason or point in pathological lying and only deeper analysis of the individual’s mind can reveal any specific need. There is a lack of rationality in the person lying.
Does lying escalate when repeated?
Just like any habit, pathological lying develops when it is repeated over a length of time. With each repetition it becomes stronger. Additionally, pathological lying is done for the purpose of relief or enjoyment and each incident of lying ensures that the cycle of fabricating facts continues to grow stronger.
Any lying that serves the purpose of what it was intended to do and not corrected or introspected on afterwards will have a high possibility of escalation.
Is lying to do with your personality?
Unless it is associated with a personality disorder habitual lying has not been identified linked to any personality type. However, it can be inferred that at some level the ego or self of the person has remained developmentally immature and insecure and thus there is a need to indulge in lying to create a different or alternate reality for them. This habit obviously serves the purpose of inflating the sense of self and gives a momentary pleasure.
Lying due to fear of punishment, humiliation or failure can be due to childhood experience of either seeing such behaviors in adults in their lives or from personal experience of being humiliated. This lying is not for pleasure but to protect the self.
How to stop this kind of behaviour?
Lying if compulsive has to be treated through psychotherapy and counselling. These sessions focus on creating the following:
- Awareness of the need to lie and being more mindful of the pattern of lying.
- Identify if there any triggers for such fabrications.
- Being aware of the outcomes of lying and damage that it causes in the socio emotional life of the person e.g. loss of friends, loss of respect and trust, object of mockery and ridicule.
- Exploration of inner needs which is being satisfied by lying
- The pros and cons of lying; cost-benefit analysis.
- Replacing the fears or negative beliefs with productive and beneficial beliefs.
In case of lying related to other mental or neurological disorders, pharmacological intervention can be an option if it is beneficial to control the impulse to engage in fabrication of facts.
Written by: Tanika GuptaBio: Tanuka Gupta has been working in Dubai, UAE as a licensed clinical psychologist since 1998 with children and adults. She currently works with Al Noor Training Centre for Persons with Disabilities as a Consultant. She is an international affiliate to the American Psychological Association –APA.She has extensive experience of doing diagnostic, cognitive, neuropsychological and developmental assessments with children with various developmental and learning disabilities.Her expertise lies in counselling parents of children with Autism, ADHD and learning disability to establish a home based parenting and behavior management programme based on principles of Applied Behaviour Analysis and Cognitive Behaviour Therapy.
Tanuka also works with adults experiencing depression, anxiety and relationship and motivation difficulties.