They walk among us. And don’t come with fangs or red and black cloaks or painted faces. These are those who scheme behind your back to oust you, sap your energy with a sarcy comment that you know is coming, a look that radiates jealousy, they perfect fault-finding as if it is their business, cannot see you happy or contented – in short make you feel angry, agitated, depressed, sad and worthless. Manju Ramanan bites in her fangs to investigate.
The types
- The blamer, who lays blame on everyone else without ever taking any responsibility.
- The guilt trippers use shame to get what they want.
- Jealous bees can never genuinely feel happiness for anyone else.
- Then there are the insecure ones, who pull others down to their level of low self-esteem.
- The fun haters seem unable to embrace joy.
- The bullies stomp on the little guys to elevate their egos.
The downers, the whiners, the short-tempers, the gossipers, the drama queens, and the list goes on…
Nonetheless, the human nature too has always known of the survival tactics. Here is what some of the better spirited have to say:
Sunaina Athena, Life Coach: “I look inside me to find out how and why I see such negativity around me. I then turn inwards to work on myself, and my outer reality then changes to reflect my inner peace and positivity. I choose how I feel, no one can “make” me feel anything I don’t choose to feel. ”
Ruqya Khan, Freelance Journalist: “Very often we allow others to decide our worth and wait for acknowledgments too. It hurts when those whom you expect it from the most ignore you. Maybe the trick is in taking back the power to feel worthy in our own hands! ”
Raj Nair (Name changed), Marketer, Musician Trainer and Writer: The world must a large extent lost its organic flavor and that has led to the rise of a competitive spirit that is often well below the belt! All these come from insecurities that are built into our DNA at a very young age. Countries like India help that intra-hatred manifest because of our awful education system. Has anyone thought of what it is to be ranked 37th in a class of 40? That’s where you’ve either killed the youth or grown a beast!
All said, some people can’t deal with someone younger climbing to the top. In 2008, I was Group COO for one of the largest media companies here with 300 odd people reporting to 6 MDs who reported to me. I was 35! They’d use every opportunity to go directly to the chairman who often encouraged it. I spent most of my time during that year managing these energy vampires than actually adding any value at work. I also realized that it was part of the master plan to keep me from achieving my goals. Hence, I adopted a style of ‘do & inform’. Once done, some things were difficult to reverse.
Althea Kaushal, Script Writer: “Wow! That’s a kettle of fish you’ve opened there! I’ve personal experience with this type. I justify it as a form of flattery where my very existence is clearly pivotal to theirs. It’s at best, an irritant, at worst, slander. Either way, it’s not my monkeys-not my circus. That’s my survival hack:)”
Dr. Nishi Singh, Consultant Medical Microbiologist-Virologist: “These are the ones that find fault in your best effort and throw that well-timed barb within hearing of all and sundry. Irritating as hell, but my motto is to ignore as long as possible and cut-off when the negativity starts to sap your energy. Isn’t that what the intention of ‘energy vampires’ was in the first place? But then again, instead of opting to exorcise them, stay indifferent or build fences to keep them away the best strategy is to make them redundant in our life and move on.”
Monika Prasad, Journalist: “Way back in 2006 when I started my first job in Mumbai, I was reporting to someone who wasn’t the least compassionate. She would doubt my schooling to my education and even my degree. I could see my confidence levels dripping. One day I lost it completely and walked to the Chief Operating Officer’s office to hand over my resignation. He didn’t let me go and empathized with me. I worked there for a few months more and had the most harrowing time. But one day, the offender disappeared. She left.
I believe negative forces have their limitations and we must recognize that.
Bijoy Kumar, Travel Consultant: “Wow what timing !!!…. Just got ousted due to such a few vampires who thrive on drinking dry the happiness of other…I have another term for them DEMENTORS (as in … from the ‘HARRY POTTER’ fame) who suck the happiness from our soul and leave us dead dry. But the silver bullets you use against these vampires are close and plenty in form of our family in friends who replenish our dead dry soul with their nectar of love, care and unbind us from these evil clutches with their unselfish bonding…”
Zeenat Beebeejaun, Lawyer: “I always tend to convert the negative energy into a driving force that makes me perform better. Yes, it does bother me for a while but channeling that anger or feeling of unworthiness into a vibe that makes you work harder towards your goal is what I aim to do.
Suchitra Chaudhary, Journalist: “They are called ‘toxic’ people. The moment they come anywhere close they just sap out the energy from your aura. Just as we avoid dark alleys, push out unpleasant memories and avoid repeating words with negative connotations, you have to take specific steps to keep such people at bay. Who are they and how would you know to spot them? Well just as you can smell a fragrance and feel a cool breeze, you can with you sixth sense spot these toxic beings.”
Kalyan Chakravarthy, Filmmaker: “The minute you start caring about what other people think is the minute you stop being yourself. So being positive and ignoring the vampires is the best way of not letting them into your vicinity. As long as you stay focused and do your best in every thing that makes your soul happy… they will be swept away from your path automatically.”
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Manju Ramanan is the former editor of Filmfare and Femina Middle East magazines and after a journey of 17 years in journalism, currently specializes in people watching.